Managing Mom Guilt

There’s a picture somewhere of me eating Thanksgiving dinner at my in-laws house. There’s an uneaten dinner plate in front of me, I’m feeding a newborn, a two-year-old is trying desperately to shove the interloper OUT of Mommy’s lap, and a four-year-old is slumped against my chair crying.
It was at this point that my sister-in-law asked me, “What are you doing for yourself?”

At the time, while I was quite literally keeping three humans alive, it seemed like an absurd question. But here’s what I’ve learned. As moms, we’re like pitchers pouring into our kids, our marriage, our job, our extended family, and our friendships. If we never prioritize pouring into that pitcher, it will soon run dry, leaving us with nothing left to give anyone.

For me, the secret was mom friends. I was blessed with a group of other moms struggling like I was to be the best moms we could be.

When one of my kids was going through a particularly challenging stage, there was always another mom who’d just survived and could talk me off the ledge. Then, I’d be that surviving mom offering perspective and a light at the end of the tunnel. We also swapped out babysitting, which was a win/win. The kids had a fun playdate or sleepover, and one mom at a time got a day off or a night out.

Here are some other ways to pour into your mommy pitcher.

Take a walk

Fresh air, a change of scenery, and a little physical exercise can recharge your mommy battery, whether it’s a stroll around the block pushing the kids in a stroller or a longer walk chatting with a co-worker on your lunch hour.

Read

There’s nothing like a good book to refresh the mind. Take advantage of your library’s audiobook inventory, and you can have someone read you a book while you enjoy that rejuvenating walk.

Meditate

Guided meditation videos on YouTube can help reduce anxiety and depression and relieve fatigue. You can also download a phone app like Headspace, Calm, or Mindfulness.

Journal

For me, parenting was so all-consuming that I had no choice but to write it all down. You might buy a “guided journal” with writing prompts to help you understand how you’re feeling. Or start a “gratitude journal” scribbling down five things you’re grateful for daily.

Nap

There will be many years ahead to have a clean house. For now, when your kids nap, forget the messy house and grab some precious sleep.

Stay active

The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) says physical activity reduces anxiety and improves sleep quality. Find a fun dance workout on YouTube and invite the kids to dance with you. Or let them join you in a yoga session.

Lastly, I think my greatest parenting secret was training myself to wake up before anyone else and have that first cup of coffee without anyone expecting anything from me. Your babies won’t stay babies forever. In the meantime, we hope these strategies help.